May 04 2009
7 weeks left
Now it’s back to reality, Tick Tock, Tick Tock. We’ve schedule a date to induce June 5, 2009, that leaves me with 7 weeks hopefully, as we all know babies sick or healthy come when they want to. However I’m hoping my lil guy will stay in the oven that long, the planner in me must have everything ready and everyone here, but like any planned BIG day, something can always go wrong. ( I will be 37 wks that day)
Today my husband and I met with comfort care rep, I was preparing myself for an appointment filled with tears and many “I don’t know” answers to her questions. However it was not the case. As lil as I’ve spoken to my spouse about all this his plan is very much the same as mine. We did hit some dead ends which now I see what needs to be talked about, but all in all we both have the same idea of what we want for Vayden. We both understand his condition and his life expectancy and we’re both afraid of the unknown.
I am aware that it’s not over until it’s over, but like I’ve said before I’m also aware of the reality of this condition. I’ve been very clear in my prayers as to what I want and believe that my request will be granted in one of two forms. I am at peace with knowing that God in fact did listen to all of you and will answer our prayers. I must ask that you please be at peace with that also. With 7 weeks left I find that I need to get my behind into gear and get as much done as I can so that I can focus as much time on Vayden when he’s born.
Our birth plan is very simple and straight forward. I will deliver vaginally with the use of an epidural so I’m alert and not too tired. Vayden will be immediately placed on my chest for kangaroo care and time with him while he’s still attached to the cord and the placenta to me. That will give us a few extra mins with Vayden if born alive, since my placenta is his current life support. We plan to decline any breathing support other than oxygen, but we are going to speak to the neo natalogist next week to see what options are out there and what he thinks would be best. Van is at odds with cutting the cord, on one side it’s a bonding memory & at the other side he feels it’s him cutting Vayden’s life off. We plan to just play it by ear and I hope the lord speaks to him as to what is best at that time. We were told what we’re able to do and have and we plan to roll with the punches as we can never set anything in stone until he’s born. I plan to take a list of all those things offered for care and memory keepsakes, in the stress of the moment I tend to forget many things. With that list I will have choices of everything available then we can choose what we really want at the time.
I feel a bit numb right now. I think I over prepared myself for this appointment that I knew every single thing they were going to talk about. Hearing someone else say Vayden’s name attached with “if born still” or “will soon pass” was like hearing “what time is it?” It will most likely hit me tomorrow and I will cry my eyes out as I replay the conversation today and begin to make plans and get things together. 7 weeks can go by so fast, in my case I hope it takes it’s precious time.
As my prayer request is still the same I’ve added one additional request. TIME. I suppose I can say I’m ok with letting him go home to be with God if needed. Although I still want the chance to meet him alive even if only for a short while. So if you all could continue to stand in agreement in prayer with me for a total and complete healing along with TIME, I would greatly appreciate it. Vayden baby please keep fighting for 7 more weeks until we meet you sweetheart.
